Uchimura Kyousuke

My Sister Fuckin' Drummer

2005-09-12T19:20:46Z

New song to play at the garden thing. What a stupid thing. How I got roped into it I have no idea. This one's called "My Sister Fuckin' Drummer"

I always thought the guy was boring
Now I find out the bastard's scoring
How he does it I'd really like to know
He's a guy that's got nothing good to show
Now he's always gone and 'e just wants to kiss her
My boring-ass drummer is fuckin' my sister

All I did was ask him to feed the cat
Now I find out he's feeding more than that
I did my time and when I was free
I learn my sister's fuckin' Tatsunori

Ohhh Mori Tatsunori I don't know how it started
But now I can't seem to get you two parted
You're connected at the bad parts and I just can't make it stop
And what makes it worse: my sister's on top

Fuckin' Tatsunori is a sister fuckin' fuck
Thoughts of him fuckin' make me want to upchuck
Fuck fuck fuck you sister fuckin' fuck
You bangin' my sister was just fuckin' luck

Ohhh my sister's got a fetish and its ugly nerdy fucks
He thinks that he's a jock but at tennis he just sucks
She's got a scruffy fetish and she likes his messy hair
I wonder if her fetish still applies down there

Mori Tatsunori: The sister fucking fuck
You may think I care, but I don't give a fuck
Good luck with her, just keep on truckin'
I think we all know I'm rhyming that with fuckin'

This fucking sucks, my life is over.

2005-08-24T05:01:19Z

I'm just putting this to see if people start to think I'm depressed about anything. Maybe Mori will think I give a damn about him dating my sister. Or maybe those veggie bitches will think I've gone all emo and start giving me head like I requested in Head of Lettuce. Stupid bitches.

Head of Lettuce

2005-08-16T16:22:58Z

Oh man. So apparently hot chicks are reading my journal! Well, they at least read all the posts that they hate. Either way, I figured I'd better educate myself about those dirty meat farms if I ever want to score with mega-hot chicks. So I did what every guy who aspires to be a rockstar would do. Me 'n Mori got together and wrote some lyrics. I'm on guitar and vocals and Mori is on drums. We SUCK, but we don't really care. Anyway, here's how the song goes. It's called "Head of Lettuce."

You think that it's wrong, to eat a little meat
But I must oppose, I think that it's neat
But girl your rack, it's just so sweet
So I say to you, girl, we just must compete

For you I'll eat a leaf, you know that it's true
And all that I ask is that you change some too
I'll eat up your garden and vegetable stew
Now you eat my meat! I've saved it for you!

(chorus)Head! ...of lettuce! Head! ...of lettuce! Just give me some head! ...of lettuce!

....Yeah, that's about as far as we got in composing the song. From there we just started jamming for like, half an hour and occasionally yelled out 'Head! ...of lettuce!' By the way, in that part of the song, I yell "head," and Mori adds "of lettuce." I wonder if I should mention that Fernando was on backup vocals, cuz she was yelling her head off since I've been letting her into the garage while we jam. Yeah, so I'm out. Eat me, veggie bitches!

Peace,
Uchimura

Save a Horse?

2005-08-08T06:10:52Z

Geez. Sorry for being MIA so long. There were issues involving my parole that I'd rather not talk about.

First off, I've been hacked or something! I don't know where the fuck this chili dog icon came from, but I blame Mori. I keep seeing him over at my house while I'm not home. I like, come home from helping those old bitches all day and he's leaving the house! Don't think I don't see you! Cocksucker Mori. Lonely mother fucker can't talk to his family or something, so he has to come and talk to mine.

So yeah, I read about this Save a Horse; Ride a Cowboy bullshit. I already know I can't make it because parties are strictly forbidden (I'm grounded) but I really don't care to go anyway. It reminds me of the party I went to a couple years ago.

One of my older friends threw this party because he was so pissed off at those tree-hugging hippies protesting the killing of cows for meat. So my friend threw this party that he called the "Fuck the Cows; I Eat Meat" party. Long story short: The party was overrun with these animal raping fucks and a bunch of faggots. It was that day that I decided to never go to a themed party again.

Prison changes a man....

2005-07-07T04:49:49Z

I'm finally out of the slammer. I've done my time. Prison is hell. BUT! Guess what!? I had bitches! That's right, these two other kids were my bitches! See, the first day in there, I pretended to stab Mori, then I told people that he was being taken off to the hospital wing. So these two dudes were just incredibly submissive. They like, brought me shit. It was cool. Granted, there was usually no stuff to bring me, but still, they could've.

Still, it sucked ass. The police guys were nice enough I guess. They let me try to use my one phonecall usually a couple times a day. I just wish the call would've fuckin' gone through! Somebody needs to get Mom off the phone once in a while. She claims she was never on the phone because she was 'waiting to hear from me because she was concerned.' What a load of shit.

But prison changes a man.... NOT! It just changes the shit I gotta do! Like I'm on probation or some shit like that. I have to do stuff for old people now. Not only old people, but also FAT people! That's right! Greasy, gelatin-like fatasses! I have to do stuff for this one fat guy that is bigger than my fuckin' house. I do stuff for him because he can't LEAVE the house! Damn people are stupid! There's also this crazy nutbag. I have no witnesses, but I swear to other people's gods that he bit me! I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for my rabies shot. Just in case.

Why is it that when I get home everything is all weird though? Neesan has been really friendly to me. I thought she was gonna kick my ass for gettin' thrown in the slammer. She pretty much kicks my ass for everything. Not that she CAN kick my ass, but she tries to. But it's weird. All day today she was walking around whistling Metallica's "Enter Sandman." In the shower she was singing some other song. I don't know the song though. A little help here? She said "I don't know what your name is. I don't know what your name is. I wanna take you tonight." Beats the hell out of me, but she was singin' it in the shower.

Even Fernando is acting all nice. She's all loving and shit. And speaking of shit, she even smells better than I'd remembered! Weird shit, yo.

Summer

2005-06-19T03:19:00Z

Not only am I soon to be the best player on Fudoumine's tennis team, but soon enough I'm going to be the richest as well! My mom got me a summer job! Granted, I have no idea what this job is and what it'll require, but still. She just called in some favors and got me a job. She swears she'll tell me what the job is once she's off the phone, but who knows when that'll be.. I've already been waiting for four hours, and I'm about ready to go to bed. Maybe I'll try to catch her tomorrow mor-

No way.

Shit! She just walked in, cupped the receiver, and told me: "You're gonna be working at your school. Cleaning rooms up, helping teachers move stuff in/out, setting up computers, etc." God, this sucks! And I doubt I'll be making the money that my dad makes... What a crock.

I'M SOME SORT OF HERO!

2005-06-12T21:49:22Z

Oh man. I rock so hard. So I'm sittin' in my room playing with Fernando, when suddenly she wants to look out my window. So I open the curtains and let her look out, when suddenly I notice something odd across the street. The lady across the street is cooking some sort of noodles and she's wearing one of those umm. I don't know the word. Well, it was basically a really skimpy tank-top. So I'm like "hells yes!" and I grab a pair of binoculars from my closet. So now me and Fernando are lookin' out the window.

So I'm watchin' her, when suddenly I realize. She's SMOKIN'! Not as in super hot (but she was). Not as in smoking a cigarette (but she was). No, more in the sense that her kitchen had caught fire. So I'm like "oh man, I hope her shirt catches fire and she has to take it off!" and then I had a second thought of "oh wait, her fuckin' kitchen is on fire!" It looked like it was getting pretty bad too, so I rushed out to grab the phone and call the fire department. I pick up the phone and hear... grandma. Mom was on the phone. I yelled that it was an emergency and that I needed the phone, so my mom walks down the hallway, smacks me upside the head and says "Don't yell when your grammy's on the phone! You'll give her a heart attack!"

So I well, I got desperate. I e-mailed the fire department. I'm not sure if it went through and I kinda assume that somebody else called the fire department, but it was time for me to take action! They'd NEVER get there in time to save that lady and her massive jugs! So I open up my window and me and Fernando race off to save her. We jump out and race over there and kick in the door. She's running around choking from no oxygen and her shirt catches on fire, so she takes it off and chucks it outside. Fernando rolls on her shirt until the fire goes out, but meanwhile me and the topless MILF break out into the backyard until the fire department comes.

I rule.

Softball team

2005-06-04T18:41:56Z

Okay, everybody out there, listen up. It's official: I'm starting up a coed softball team. So far it's just me, Mori, and probably Ishida that are on the team, but it isn't just a Fudoumine thing. Anybody can join, so if you want me to sign you up on my team, just comment here. We don't even start practicing for a while, but sign up asap!

Oh, and just so you all know, signing up on my team is like signing up on the first place team. I ROCK at baseball, and softball is even easier than baseball!

And don't any of you even THINK of forming your own team. My team will CREAM your team.

Random Comments

2005-05-28T22:22:08Z

I'm not sure what Fernando just ate, but it didn't look eatable. I think she's retarded.

Somebody at school got in trouble for bringing a knife to school, but I think he got off easy by making some claim that he only had it to cut up his lunch. He was just sent home early. I think he stabbed someone on the way home, but I have no proof.

Mori is a faggot.

There's a softball league starting up sometime soon. I'm going to try to start a team. Anyone wanna join the team? We need lots of players, and it's coed.

Coed is a good word.

Teachers need to give less homework around graduation time. Our grades have been decided for quite a while now, but they still give papers and stuff. It's just annoying that now I don't fear my grade lowering, it's just that the teachers make more comments like "If you don't turn this paper in or you don't take it seriously, then so be it, I'll kick you out of this class!" I'm pretty sure they can't do that, but I'm too lazy to look it up and see if it's legal.

The other day a phone solicitor called up. He was selling some weird product I've never heard of before. Long story short: I handed the phone to my mom (who I'm now calling 'The Phone Wizard') and she actually convinced him to buy some of our old kitchenware and quit his job.

So hot

2005-05-21T23:09:14Z

There's this sushi stop that I was passin' by the other day, and I saw this fuckin' hot blue haired chick in lingerie outside the shop. She was like, blowing me kisses and winking at me. I think she wanted me. She was mouthing phrases like "I love you" and "I want to suck you" and stuff like that. I could tell. So tell me, do I have a shot with her? How much you think it'd cost me to you know... do 'er?

I LOVE MY SCHOOL

2005-05-16T22:02:54Z

Okay, so at first I was pretty upset at my recent assignment. Yeah, go out and advertise LIPSTICK! Talk about a shit job... At least that's what I thought at first. I was out there for about three hours today.

Hour One: Me: "Excuse me, ma'am, but would you like this flyer about lipstick? It's umm, good."

Hour Two-Three: (this is where it gets good... after a run-in with my sister I managed to procure a bit of lipstick) "Excuse me, ma'am, this lipstick which I am sampling for you (...no comment) is the absolute best lipstick known to man. I say that because I know all men like the FEEL of this lipstick. Would you like to test it?"

So in the long run, I kept a tally, and I made out with seventeen horny school girls! ....also one old lady, but it was for a good cause... actually, I was caught on my experiment, and one of my teachers walked by and asked if I was really using that strategy, and I said 'of course' so I think she sent in a plant to see. So yeah, she stood and watched while the old lady came by and well... yeah... The great thing about it all was the praise I got from my teacher. She watched the old lady personally sign up for six tubes of lipstick... Do they come in tubes? Bah, I don't know what the real name is. I was just glad so many chicks were so willing (cough -fuckin' retarded and gullible as hell) to do it... Wonder when my teacher'll let me advertise condoms... *wink wink*

It's not over!

2005-05-08T21:11:30Z

Ha. And you thought your family would win sooooo easily, didn't you? Well it looks like we're tied so far now, doesn't it? Sure, your dad and your brother may have destroyed us in the three-legged race (cheaters) but who was it that won the ice cream eating contest? That's right. NOBODY eats ice cream like my mom. And who won the darts contest? That's right. Yours truly. I kick ass at darts. And your challenge of a Halo 2 contest was complete bullshit. You can go straight to hell for that one. But it's 2-2 and your family is going down! We'll see you next Sunday Sunday Sunday! Bitches.

Umm.... oops?

2005-05-01T19:38:59Z

I have horrible news. See, I've never exactly checked, and today I learned something fairly awkward. Fernando is kind of.... a girl kitty. Guess I should've paid better attention to things like that. Even the vet must've assumed I knew. I just thought she was retarded. She was all, "Your kitty, umm, Fernenda- I'm sorry, this handwriting is atrocious, is fine." Hmm...

See, I found that all out today when Neesan came into my room and started playing with Fernando and asked me, "So what's her name anyway?" to which I said, "It's a boy actually, and his name is Fernando." So then she's like, "Cats aren't birds, then don't just retract!" and then lifted Fernando up to give me a nice, long, inches from my nose, look at Fernando's underside.

...I'm just glad I found out before Fernando got pregnant. That would've been an awkward situation. Oh well. Poor Fernando, since as it turns out, I'm still calling her Fernando.

Peace,
Uchimura

Out with a bang

2005-04-23T06:57:22Z

I'm sure glad that party was good, cuz I'm grounded as hell. All week my dad has been forcing me to clean up after the party and the fight and stuff. You know, I've been thinking about it all week and I have no answer for it. What the hell was I fighting about? Does anybody know? Not that it matters, I had a score to settle with him anyway. I won the fight, right? Somebody back me up. Sure he got some good shots in there, but I did okay too, right?

Oh well, I met a couple ladies at the party, and therefore it was a good night. And now I'm being forced into more chores.

Peace,
Uchimura

My sister's friends are weird

2005-04-15T18:08:46Z

My sister and her friends are starting to get really annoying. They follow me 'n Mori around EVERYWHERE. And sometimes when we'll make comments to each other they make this weird "squee!" noise. And come to think of it, her friends aren't at our house a whole heck of a lot, but the last like, five times I've had Mori over, she had her friends over. Wow. That's crazy.

Oh my god. I think I've figured it out! Mori must be famous! I don't know why he'd be famous, but I can't think of any other reasons. He's not like, hot, is he? Ladies and fags help me out here. Man, that's crazy.

Peace,
Uchimura

sombrero_stud @ 2005-04-05T14:58:00

2005-04-05T21:58:52Z

[Everyone but Mori. Listen, I'm not sure how many of you know me or Mori, but I'm tryin' to do something. My sister told me to. So right to it then. I'm throwing Mori a surprise party. His birthday's April umm.... 18th! I think. So I know not many people know him, but it's open to like, anybody. I haven't decided what kind of party it'll be. I'll have to see how many people can go. So if you're interested, RSVP! Pronto! Oh, and if Mori asks any of you what this 'everybody but him' post is all about, just tell him I called him a 'dipshit retard faggot' or something. And just in case he sees this post and skims RSVP comments, just comment with 'I know! That guy's dumb as hell!' That way I'll know I can count you in.]

Huh?

2005-04-03T05:16:23Z

It's pretty weird. My inbox is full of messages from girls that go to my school. Why is it that the subject line of like, all of them involve Mori? That's kind of strange. First off, I'm not sure how all these girls got my email, and second of all, Mori has his own email. Why don't they just email him? Oh well.

Let's see. In other news, I think I'm going to take Fernando on a walk sometime soon. We've practiced around the room enough, I think he's ready for the real thing. He's also ready for a bath. Man, he smells horrible.

Neesan sure is getting annoying with this whole blackmail thing. She keeps adding things on to my sentence. Weird things. Things like "pose for a picture with Mori." See? Things keep going back to Mori! It's weird. But with all these things she's forcing me to do, I'm about ready to just tell my parents about Fernando. I'm really not worried about how Mom would react. Hell, she never gets off the phone. I don't think I can tell her. I'm just afraid Fernando will run around and Mom will try to kill him thinking he's a wild animal. Dad on the other hand would probably kill me if he knew I had an animal running around here, messing up the place. I'd tell you all what my dad does for a living, but I'm under direct orders to never speak of it if I want to live.

Oh great. Neesan's friends are at the door. I gotta go get washed up before they see me. I think I might have a chance with a couple if 'em if you know what I mean.

Peace,
Uchimura

The secret is out

2005-03-20T05:26:44Z

Hey guys. It's time for some life updates here. I'll start with the tennis related business.

Tennis buisness, I just wanted everybody to know that Sakurai is getting really good. I played doubles with him today. We basically swapped partners, so it was me and Sakurai versus Mori and Ishida. It was a strange match since doubles players tend to learn their partners' strategies. So in the long run, I sealed Mori, Mori sealed me, Sakurai sealed Ishida, and Ishida sealed Sakurai. Still, there's no way to completely seal any of us. Especially me. I'm working on a new move to go along with my front kill strategy.

[I've found that to volley at the net, you really can't put much power into the ball or you hit it way past the baseline. All you do is let the ball reflect and you're done as long as you can keep your racket stiff enough. My new move is a straight shot at somebody at the net that's supposed to look like a simple volley, but it actually has so much backspin on it that if you don't put any power into the return, it falls straight down. Most net players play so far back that it'll just fall right on their side.

I don't know a whole heck of a lot of people this move would work on, but I do know one. Seigaku's Kikumaru Eiji. I hate that guy. And if he's gonna show off and do those behind the back shots at me, I'm gonna make him look like a complete tool when his showoff tennis backfires on him. I hate that guy.]

So back to Sakurai. He's pretty good. His serve gets better and better. I don't think the ball does anything funky with spins and stuff, but my GOD he's accurate. He also did a nice job of backing me up while I was at the net. He covers the baseline like a mad man! Too bad I didn't play doubles with him this year! We could've taken ANYBODY on! Even Yamabuki's doubles would be crying after we gave them the beating of their lives! Fuckin' Yamabuki. "Oh Uchimura and Mori! You guys lost and you weren't even IN a car accident!" Shut the fuck up! All of you! I'm sick of hearing that shit. We were a bit brought down by the rest of the team. Everybody was all groggy and non-engergetic and stuff. And the coach! The hell's up with that guy anyway!? I swear if we would've had one more game, I would've aimed for their coach's ugly face. Just to see if he's paying attention!

Sorry for the tangent there everybody. Now onto the fun stuff. My secret is out. The other day Neesan found Fernando. Stupid Fernando. He wasn't sticking to the plan. We trained for like, two weeks straight! Door opens, and he's supposed to hide under the bed. So Neesan just opens the door and he runs RIGHT TO HER! Begging her for "food." As IF I don't feed him enough! I feed him half a can every morning! And he's always got access to his dry food dispenser thing.... OH SHIT! He has no water! No wonder he keeps trying to drink out of the toilet!

So yeah, now I'm being blackmailed by Neesan, so if anyone wants to talk to me tomorrow, fat chance. I have to go shopping with her tomorrow. She wants to try on clothes, so I get to carry all her bags for her. And don't forget her purse. I get to sit in "the chair" and watch her purse while she tries on skirts. She loves trying on skirts. Shirts not so much. She only wears button-up shirts, and the mall closest to us doesn't have as many of those. Only the over-your-head style. She hates those. They mess up her hair. If you don't know her, then let's just say that's a sin to mess up her hair. I'll try to sum up her hair issues real quick. There was a concert she planned for like, EVER! The day finally came around, and she missed the concert because her hair wasn't setting JUST RIGHT! She's dumb as hell... Also, she's borrowing my computer. Right now. It's another part of the whole blackmail thing. Guess I'll go get Fernando some water.

Peace,
Uchimura

Mori is such a fag

2005-03-13T00:10:28Z

Guys, don't ever let Mori touch your stuff. Seriously. He comes over and he's like "Hey Uchimura! You have a crappy video card. I have an old one that's better. You want it?" So I'm all "Yeah, what the fuck ever." So Mori starts tweakin' around in my computer, and then he says those words you never want to hear from soneone that's neck deep in your computer. "Uh oh." He broke some shit in my computer, I really don't care what it was, but it made my computer not work. So it's been a while since I've posted in here because of that. But here, lemme catch you guys up on the past week or so.

Early this week I had a troublesome run-in with that bandana guy from Seigaku. The guy that beat Kamio. Anyway, I won't get into the details, but just know that he's going to kill me when he sees me and I hate Fernando.

Since then I've been doing lots of training with Fernando. We've had a couple practice runs to teach him how to properly go for a walk with his leash. He's finally at the point that he cooperates, so tomorrow I might try taking him out for the real thing. Also, Fernando is learning to use the catbox I bought him the other day (I snuck it in when Mom was in the bath). It works pretty well. I have the box in my closet, and my closet is always cracked enough that he can sneak in. This is also good because that box smells horrible and now I don't have to smell it while I sleep. Then again, the other day one of my shirts fell into it. That was gross. Also a fun story to explain to my mom.

I played a set with Ishida the other day. You wouldn't believe it, but in singles we're pretty evenly matched. I mean, sure he beat me 6-3, but some of those were pretty close games. It turns out Ishida's slow as hell. Can you believe it? I'm thinking of going to the park sometime soon to get some outside practice. I've gotta be ready to take a singles spot for next year's team.

That's really about it for the interesting things lately. The other day I thought I saw two chicks making out, but I was wrong. One was a guy with long hair. Still, the girl was hot. I've gotta go run and get some milk at the store, so I'm out.

Peace,
Uchimura

Why oh why did I take this cat?

2005-03-05T03:53:27Z

Moments in idiocity. Last night Fernando de la Cama was being very very very loud. Enough that he woke my mom up. I saw the light in the hallway go on, so you know what I did!? I dove out of bed, chucked Fernando inside my closet, kicked my bed post, curled up on the ground and started yelling "Ow ow ow ow" since it sounded like "meow meow meow." My mom believed it, and for good reason. That hurt. Really really bad.

Now I'm trying to think of ways to train Fernando to shut the fuck up. Today on the way home from school I checked out a cat training book at the library. I've only glanced through it since well, I hate reading, but one thing it says is "feed your cat." I may have to try that someday. Also it suggests things like a litter box... that one puts me in quite the predicament. On the one hand, litter smells, so it'd be hard to hide it. On the other hand, it'd certainly be better than using Mori's old magazines (but don't tell him that. He has no idea. I just hope he doesn't bring over current issues, because if Fernando's gotta go, he's gotten pretty good about finding the magazine).

Oh, here's an interesting thing too. There's an article for a cat leash. Do cats like to go on walks? Hrm. Guess I'll stop by the petstore tomorrow and see if they have any there. Maybe he'll shut up if I just walk him a bit. Oh well, gotta go. Mori's at the door. Heh, and the poor bastard brought over one of his magazines. Boy he's in for some news.

Peace,
Uchimura

My Secret

2005-03-02T23:01:30Z

First off, thanks to Mori for customizing my journal here. Like hell if I knew what he was doing. I'm just glad he didn't make the whole thing pink or something. I'd say thanks to him, but his computer is still in the shop, so ha!

So listen guys. Can you all keep a secret from my parents? I really don't want them to find out, though it'll start getting really hard to keep the secret. My Fudo bros might remember how I kept leaving my hat outside the club room whenever we went in there. Mori tells me there was a theory that I didn't like wearing my hat indoors because it's rude to wear hats indoors. But no, that's not it. Manners are for queers. The real reason is that there were a few times last year that I noticed really weird clumps of hair in my hat after I left it out there for a while. Old grey clumps. And fuck all of you, it's not mine! My hair is silver! But I started leaving it out there to see if I could figure out what old mother fucker is wearing my hat.

So I found the answer a few days ago. I was the first out of the club room and I ran over where I'd been stashing my hat, and I found this cute, er- MANLY kitty cat. One of the many strays around the school. He was just so damn cute that I couldn't send him away. So I took him to the vet yesterday (spent all my fuckin' allowance for the past two months...) and got him his shots. Now he lives "quietly" in my room.

In fact, you'll notice the icon I made of him. It's kinda bad quality because it was taken with Mori's old digital camera, but you can still make out a very choice shot of my bed sheets with American supermodel Petra Nemcova... you know, her name doesn't sound very American. I should try to figure out what nationality she is... bah, fuck that. That's too much work. She's hot though.

Anyway, in case any of you were wondering, I've already named him. I've named him after my own nickname, and since I am Fernando de los Sombreros (I'll blame Mori since I can't remember who gave me that stupid nickname), my cat's name is Fernando de la Cama since it turns out the only thing he likes more than my hat is my bed.

Now if anybody can think of ways I can sneak home catfood without my mom finding out, I'd be very grateful to know them. Fernando de la Cama is getting hungry and he's not too keen on my new "veggies diet" (Mom's idea, not mine. I can't wait till she's off the healthy kick).

Peace,
Uchimura

Finally Online

2005-03-02T00:30:28Z

Okay, Tachibana-san, here's the deal. I know we were supposed to do these journal things as quickly as possible, but we had some problems getting ahold of a computer... Okay, so that's not true. The truth is that nobody in the whole fucking house knows how to use it. I had to call Mori up to even turn the damn thing on. Apparently there's this switch on the back of a computer that has to be on in order for it to work. What the fuck's up with that? There's already one on the front that does that!

So then once that problem was solved, here comes another problem. My grandma has been having some problems and she's in the hospital, so Mom's been on the phone forEVER! Then she'd get mad whenever I tried to log on because it would make weird noises in the phone. But finally we got rid of that crappy 16.0 kb/s modem and have a high-speed connection. I really don't know what that means, but Mori's over right now, reading over my shoulder, and he said it was a "16 kb piece of shit" and I agree.

Frankly, I haven't been able to get rid of Mori anymore. He loves coming into my room anymore so he can look at my new bed sheets. They're custom-made bed sheets imported from America. The best thing about them: American supermodel Petra Nemcova is on them. They're so choice. Mori wants to- OKAY! FINE! Geez. He won't let me put what I really want to put, so let's just say he wants to jump on my bed. And he would like to inform everybody that that means not with me in it. What a queer.

Speaking of that queer Mori, he brought over his X-Box and he just challenged me to a game of Halo 2, so I'm heading off.

Peace,
Uchimura