I'M SOME SORT OF HERO!
Oh man. I rock so hard. So I'm sittin' in my room playing with Fernando, when suddenly she wants to look out my window. So I open the curtains and let her look out, when suddenly I notice something odd across the street. The lady across the street is cooking some sort of noodles and she's wearing one of those umm. I don't know the word. Well, it was basically a really skimpy tank-top. So I'm like "hells yes!" and I grab a pair of binoculars from my closet. So now me and Fernando are lookin' out the window.

So I'm watchin' her, when suddenly I realize. She's SMOKIN'! Not as in super hot (but she was). Not as in smoking a cigarette (but she was). No, more in the sense that her kitchen had caught fire. So I'm like "oh man, I hope her shirt catches fire and she has to take it off!" and then I had a second thought of "oh wait, her fuckin' kitchen is on fire!" It looked like it was getting pretty bad too, so I rushed out to grab the phone and call the fire department. I pick up the phone and hear... grandma. Mom was on the phone. I yelled that it was an emergency and that I needed the phone, so my mom walks down the hallway, smacks me upside the head and says "Don't yell when your grammy's on the phone! You'll give her a heart attack!"

So I well, I got desperate. I e-mailed the fire department. I'm not sure if it went through and I kinda assume that somebody else called the fire department, but it was time for me to take action! They'd NEVER get there in time to save that lady and her massive jugs! So I open up my window and me and Fernando race off to save her. We jump out and race over there and kick in the door. She's running around choking from no oxygen and her shirt catches on fire, so she takes it off and chucks it outside. Fernando rolls on her shirt until the fire goes out, but meanwhile me and the topless MILF break out into the backyard until the fire department comes.

I rule.